A “male” name is no problem. Wearing “men’s clothes” (I’ve often worn “men’s clothes” my entire adult life, having imbibed in the 70s-80s the then-radical-why-did-we-go-backwards-in-the-2000s idea that a WOman can wear anything she wants) is cool. But the pronoun thing feels like a slippery slope. I don’t think a person with two x chromosomes and a scientifically-verifiable female body is a “he” or a “him.” Transition is a conveyer belt, and certain things (like being called “he”) seem to me like they would increase dysphoria. Let me say I don’t doubt for a minute that the feeling and idea of dysphoria are real. I don’t question a person’s feelings. What I question is what to DO with that feeling.
they would only increase dysphoria if the child felt dysphoric about those pronouns. actually use their preferred pronouns and you’ll see if they feel dysphoria or not.
Being called “he” would increase and validate the feeling/idea that she, as a biological female, is “in the wrong body.” It’s self-fulfilling. Dissociation from objective reality is only encouraged by the trans paradigm. With any other mental health diagnosis, dissociation is considered something to treat, not validate. People with body dysmorphic disorder (a different diagnosis) want to amputate healthy body parts, but psychologists and surgeons are not rushing to support that desire.
I think you’re dead on right here. I can’t think of any other disorder in which the “treatment”is validation of that disorder. Years ago, back in the 90s, I started a shelter for teens many of whom were GNC. I’ve maintained contact with some of those teens over the years. Some are gay men. Some are lesbian women. Some turned out bisexual and others straight. None of them are crossdressing anymore though some still maintain an androgynous appearance. The same is true of the self proclaimed witches, goths, etc… Obviously, the circumstances are different. These kids were runaways and thrown away, but for the most part they were just gay and with greater acceptance of homosexuality some have even been able to reconnect with their families of origin.
I said all this to say, hang in there. Do your damnedest to keep her from doing anything permanent and there’s a very good chance she might come out on the other side without having to spend the rest of life taking medicalizing her body for a mental disorder.
Thanks for your strong support and this excellent background story. Things have changed so much since the ‘90′s. The charge of “transphobia,” with some very unbalanced people actually physically threatening questioners like you and me, has had a chilling effect on open dialogue. But I take heart from you. Thank you!