Long-Term Effect of Testosterone
When I went on testosterone, I experienced anger and a lower frustration threshold that everyone insisted was normal and temporary. These changes began suddenly within the first few weeks on testosterone and have remained ever since. This was an intense shift from my normal mood and behavior. Prior to taking testosterone, I had never felt the sort of burning rage/frustration that became everyday on T. People insisted that this was just part of the “puberty” stage of HRT. I remember talking to two friends who went on testosterone a little while before me and one quoted me about 2 - 3 months and another more like 6 months for how long that stage should last. Everyone has a different opinion, but no one has facts.
A year and a half into HRT - after anger management therapy, a 5-times-a-day short meditation routine, self-medication with depressants like weed, alcohol, and benzos, extensive self-reflection, individual therapy, breathing and grounding techniques, daily exercise, various other coping techniques, etc - the anger and frustration were still unbearable.
Since going off of testosterone, my anger and frustration levels have been much improved but they are not how they were before T. Being as I am over two years off of testosterone, I would call this a long-term effect that testosterone has had on my brain. It’s very depressing to feel frustrated at something random and to flash back to being on T, and to know that this feeling originated in that “medication.”
My anger is something I can control now, but it still feels almost the same inside as it did on T. It feels incredibly scary. I am much better at not expressing** it like I used to, so others aren’t scared any more but I still have to experience this horrible, consuming feeling on a daily basis and hide it at the same time.
**(I’m referring to anger that is entirely inappropriate. Anger that even I can identify as being irrational in the moment, and yet I feel it. Anger that is mean and hurtful and ugly.)
I’ve worked really hard to be where I am now. Staying in this place takes conscious effort every day. I wish I had known that testosterone could do this, and that it could be something that didn’t stop when I stopped taking it. It wouldn’t have been worth it. I am deeply ashamed of how I changed in this aspect of my personality and I really hope this goes away someday.
