THANK YOU so much for writing this. You have really helped me learn and realize some things I was blind to. Of COURSE this would hurt. How could I not see that before?

I would like to delete the probably hurtful reblog you refer to in your eloquent post, but perhaps it’s best I leave it to serve as an example of what NOT to do as a gender-critical parent? I very much appreciate you taking the time to write this post.

The reason mothers like us reach out to you is because we are seriously worried about our young, confused, brainwashed, gender dysphoric daughters and we have difficulties finding resources for them which won’t continue to push them in this direction. We want our daughters to hear from BOTH sides, even though the one that reports ‘all positive’ ftm information is currently the loudest.  While we are sad that you went through this, we want our daughters to LEARN FROM your experiences (much like the Mayday TV show does re airplane crashes). You are amazing, courageous womyn who have been through and are going through a lot and sharing your stories is important.

Dear mothers who write to me,

Personally I had never heard of detransition until getting in radfem circles. Its a dirty word. Youtube trans people with hundreds of videos all seem to have one about detransition, and its like “that’s fine to destransition, but shut up now thanks you are no longer relevant” despite the shared bond of certain medical treatments and social experiences unique to trans identifying people. It seems to me like there is plenty left to discuss there.

I want detransitioners to be visible so that other people can quit pretending they don’t exist. Its not out of pity, its out of fairness. If people who are happy with transition get a voice then so should people that weren’t. Saying “transition doesn’t solve everything” doesn’t make a person a cautionary tale, it makes them a complex human being whose narrative might be important for others to hear. 

At the same time, I don’t think that having detransitioners lecture teens would do much good. I know what we all want when we want our kids to slow down and think about the implications of transition; we want them to be more mature. We want them to understand things that kids are by definition incapable of fully understanding. They can only grow up at their own pace unfortunately. A child robbed of growing at their own pace has been wronged. All we can do is share our reasons for saying “no”, which is that we worry deeply about being unable to reverse the decision if there is a need to. What our kids need to know is that if we say “yes” and something goes wrong it is our fault, not theirs, but they will still be the ones to live with the consequences. That’s not fair. My teen is not trying to transition but we have had the same conversation a lot of times about a variety of issues. Teens of every stripe want to do something permanent and ill advised. I personally got a tattoo (on my stomach, bc I was “never” having children....). I wish my mom had not agreed to do so, but I fortunately don’t regret it either. It is a part of my story, my history, and I am okay with it. I would still tell teens its probably better to wait until you are 18.

Also, I would love to focus on the doctors and therapists, but even they don’t make the standards that they are complying with. Groups like the APA and cosmetic surgery boards make the standards that physicians and therapists must comply with. If you diagnose someone with GID you don’t have a lot of non-transition options available without the risk of being reprimanded for straying outside of conventional treatment. 

I have turned my attention towards doctors in the past, because I have a healthy amount of disrespect for authority and don’t mind criticizing them when I have enough information. People just appeal to authority when I do so (”they are a dr and you aren’t, what do you know?”) so its a go nowhere conversation.