Something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is detransitioning and being seen in the world as a woman, again. I quit taking testosterone about a month ago and haven’t noticed anything different about myself or my body yet, although I know that it’s way too soon for much change to have taken place. I spent the better part of 8 years on T, so I suppose a lot did change during that period. Ways of thinking and feeling are different on T and off of it, and I look forward to having those things restored to a pre-T state (if I didn’t permanently mess my brain up due to the hormones). The hips never really went away, my hands are still small hands, and I don’t have an adams apple or a thick brow or anything.

I’m considering buying the prosthetic breasts that women sometimes wear after mastectomy to help the process of being seen as female along a bit. (After all, I did have a total mastectomy many years ago, so there isn’t much in the way of natural breasts to go back to.) I can’t decide if artificial breasts are a good idea or not. I’ve also researched voice feminization surgery (although that might be going too far…I don’t know if another surgery is really the answer here). I’m also considering having laser treatments to take care of my facial hair, because even when I shave I still have a bit of a shadow. I get that women can be women any way they wanna be, but I’d really like to be recognized as female and not as male.

I finally feel ready to let go of this image of myself as the half-formed “man” I was attempting to be and really embrace my body as a female body and myself as a woman. I guess I’m just not sure how to go about how to get there, in a social sense. At the moment I don’t pass as a woman at *all*, pretty much never, although I have had one friend about a year ago figure out that I was female on his own. I’ve told my friends that I’d like to be referred to and thought of as she rather than he. I want to undo the harm I’ve done to myself. It’s a small start, but I believe that stopping hormones and asserting myself as a woman is at least a beginning. One step at a time, right?

I also wanted to add: my eternal gratitude goes out to my radfem sisters and your writings and discussion. I don’t post a lot, I mostly repost others’ stuff, but I do read everything I can. Your strength, intelligence, and bravery in a pretty scary anti-radfem world gives me courage and hope. Thanks for helping to drag me out of the gender cult and educate myself.  <3