I swear, one of the biggest acts of mindfuckery that we experience in patriarchy is how our worth is defined. None of it is self-defined.
True story: my partner is a 46 year old, 6 foot tall, butch woman. She was working on her play and there are many scenes in it that involve sexual harassment on the street. She had to write this scene where the female character relates what is being said to her and she was like “ummmm…hmmmm” because it hasn’t actually happened to her in a very long time. Because men don’t see her like that. She is either invisible or a threat. So she asked her assistant director (a gay man) for some ideas and told him “I don’t know any cause I don’t get harassed” and he said “oh, honey that’s okay! You are beautiful” and she was like “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!” and flipped out on him. Because he thought she was asking for his sympathy about not being sexually harassed.
The minute I took myself out of those definitions, of my shelf life, of my fuckability to males, of harassment as validation, of all those things, my life changed. And honestly, some of it is just getting older. I definitely was not in that spot in my 20s. Although going to Michigan for the last 20 years galvanized so many changes that I don’t know I would have felt otherwise.
If there is anything I can do–and yanno, i’m 43. i’m really not that old–let me know. I just had a chance to grow up around 40, 50 and 60 year olds who were SO BADASS. Knowing they were there made me realize I had nothing to fear. That I wasn’t going to turn into a boring pumpkin when I turned 30. That I was still going to be fucking, and dancing and creating shit and laughing and being social and smoking weed and being INTERESTING.
I mean, where do you see women over 45 doing that in our culture? It is like the deep unportrayed. Or we have to see all the Real Housewives, who are so deep in it they are gonna spend the rest of their lives fighting how deeply ashamed they are about their decreasing fuckability.
Like, I don’t tout my age because I’m feeling bad about it, or because I want younger people to be like “awww….but I’d still hang with you.” I tout it because I am actually surrounded by some of the most interesting, bad ass, world changing people who are my age or older. And they aren’t neurotic messes, and they don’t give a shit about their thighs, and they definitely don’t care about who likes them or not, and whether or not they are pretty. They are seriously so fierce. I talk about my age because it is amazing. And I have never been happier.
I wish this for all of you. I mean, basically, it gets better.
Seconding everything said here. A wonderful thing about ageing is that you care less and less about others’ opinions of you. Age gives you stories to tell, knowledge, you can mentor people, people open up to you more when you’re older. :)
And that, of course, is why the culture at large, and especially men, can’t stand older women. Older women are getting to the point where we don’t care what other people think, and men really hate that. They hate it when they’re no longer the center of our universe and can’t crush us with their all-powerful, constantly negative opinions.
It’s also very convenient to posit that women can no longer accomplish anything past 30 or past 40. Most men don’t really start succeeding until they’re in their 40s and 50s. There are a few really accomplished 20- and 30-something men, but they’re the exception. The same holds for women, but we’re the ones being told that we might as well throw in the towel at 40.
I’ll tell you straight up, I fucking love being fifty. It’s a wonderful time In my life. A time when I have my priorities straight. When I tell it like it is and won’t hesitate to throat punch a motherfucker if they get out of their lane. Fifty is fabulous. And none of this fifty is the new thirty shit, either. Fifty is fifty. I went to hell and back to earn my stripes and I’m damned proud.
I’m so pleased to meet feminists of all ages on this site. I am incredibly lucky that you are all here, and I can hear your voices.
Me too. Women and girls need to connect with each other across the generation gap.
I turned 46 last week and fucking love it. I give so few fucks about what anyone thinks of me (as opposed to in my 20s, when everyone’s opinion but mine counted to me). I’m getting more and more bolshy, and caring less and less about if it upsets anyone.
Happy Birthday lollidolli250
Thanks celtyradfem. I also became a granny 2 days before my bday. My daughter will tell you I live for the day I can yell “get off my lawn” at someone 😂
Make a sign.
What a lovely post to wake up to this sunny morning. Another Tumblr elder over here. My crow’s feet and smile lines are crinkling up with delight right now. We crones got something to say and we ain’t afraid to say it. It turns out that walking this earth for a few decades does impart some wisdom, if you’re paying attention to your steps. Good morning, all!