redressalert

redressalert:

rejecting-the-gender-cult:

raddestwitch:

What the actual fuck. The child basically said that they don’t want to be a girl because girls are treated fucking bad. Idk how a child saying she doesn’t like being a girl suddenly = trans. The child has experienced trauma related to sexual abuse! This is a reaction to abuse.

Like, even when I was a libfem I wouldn’t be like “Oh, here are some videos for parents of trans children. Congratulations.”

I would have recommended they take the child to therapy for their trauma. I would have recommended medical help, not information for parents with trans children.

I recognize dysphoria is a real thing, but this doesn’t appear that way to me. People are so quick to ignore the abuse this child went through, and jump conclusions. What the actual fuck.

Plus, the mother didn’t even say the word “trans” - she said non-binary. geek&misandry is fucking jumping the gun with that shit.

Tagging: @rad-femmes @rejecting-the-gender-cult @witwitch @terfzilla @evilterf and anyone else for thoughts. This has really upset me. I can’t believe this mother reached out for help and was given nothing of any use other than “your child is trans” from g&m and her followers.

@geekandmisandry, What in the hell are you thinking? What is the meaning of this? This parent is clearly trying to deal with a young girl who is responding to trauma (either personal trauma or the danger of impending trauma, probably both lbr) and has become alienated from her own body, from other girls and women, and from her own womanhood as a result. Why are you encouraging that? Do you see that as a healthy, whole, reality-based, nurturing response to dealing with misogyny? What kind of advice is this to vulnerable, sensitive young women and their families?? I urge you to reconsider giving this kind of advice. I urge you to think very hard of the very real ramifications of affirming this kind of thing.

I want to make a commercial advertising this kind of thought process. It would go something like this: 

Feel alienated from your own body?
From other women?
From your social conditioning?
From society at large?
Think you’re “not like other girls”?
Think you’re deeply, forever different from the women you see around you, on some fundamental level that they’ll never, ever get? 
Do you sometimes feel so apart from them that you hate them a little bit?
Do you hate the part of yourself that is like them, and you want to run from it screaming, but you don’t even really know why, and nobody around you knows how the fuck to identify let alone deal with girls and women’s issues because lol who cares about females?
Have you, like so many women, turned your anger and fear about society’s overwhelming misogyny on yourself instead? 
Have you grown up feeling like something is inherently, deeply, irrevocably wrong with you?
Surprise, you have been deeply traumatized like so many women have and need to come to terms with your place in the world and integrate your narrative of yourself and your relationship with your body and the world around you and go through a long, difficult healing process ….

….or, you know, fuck all that! You’re probably just trans!
It’s the new sensation that’s sweeping the nation! Ask your doctor now!
Nobody ever gave you the tools to demand respect and physical boundaries?
Now you’ll discover a whole new world of insisting on esoteric terminology and redefining your very own physical container. 
Be less Like Other Girls™ than ever before. 
Be more like a Real Human Being instead! (…You know, a man, or “non-binary”, or whatever. Just…anything but a woman. Ugh. Women. Womanhood. What even is that, right????) 
You’ll have the vocabulary to demand utter control.
You’ll have more support than you’ve ever had before from a community that will welcome you, coddle you, draw lines in the sand for you, and teach you who is an insider and who is an outsider.
They’ll do the thinking for you.
You’ll be able to ritualize your self-care in a clear, defined way that you may have never had before- therapist and doctor’s appointments, specialized garments, a twice-monthly shot, the list goes on!
You’ll be able to make demands from doctors in ways you never could!
You’ll have clear goals for your life. You’ll be able to start over. New haircut, new wardrobe, new name, new empowered language, new goals, new friends!
And everything will be better…..once you get HRT!
Everything will sort itself out….one you have top surgery!
Everything will be better….as the markers of your female-ness (which are the same as “femininity” right? It’s one and the same, right?) melt away! (But never actually leave, ever, no matter what you do. But nevermind that.)
Everything will be better. Everything will sort itself out. Don’t confront or examine anything. This explains everything. It’s the center of the universe now. 

WARNING:
Results may vary.Participants may be digging themselves into a hole.
Nothing will actually change on a fundamental level.
All of this is conditional.
Question nothing.
You’re still “dfab” so keep your mouth shut.
The reality of your entire life=irrelevant.
The second you disidentified with womanhood, you somehow magically became Privileged.
Are you a teenaged lesbian who is seen and treated by society as female?
Doesn’t matter: You now somehow have privilege over a late-transitioning straight autogynephile in his 50′s with a failed marriage and two children, so “take a seat” as they say.
Also, you should be open to dating him, or something???

After insisting on your identity and fighting so hard, it will take tremendous strength to admit to yourself, let alone others, that you were wrong. You will receive ZERO support from your “loving” community.

(Fine print:
Your identity will not save you from misogyny. 
Living a lie wont save you from this world. 
Lying to yourself wont save you from yourself. 
Making up a new name and pretending you’re not like those other girls, you’re not anything like any girl at all, will not save you.
Only the truth will set you free.
You can be any kind of woman you want and need to be.
You can be a new kind of woman.
We are waiting for you.)

Fuck, I’m so tired. I’m so tired.

The horrific thing is that the entire society–the media, the medical profession, trans activists–are essentially giving the exact same misguided “advice” to confused parents. This brainwashing must end. Our girls deserve to be supported in becoming whole, not splintering into a million fragments with the encouragement of Tumblr armchair psychologists.

redressalert trans parenting how not to parent the extermination of females
4thwavenow

Facebook wars: Thanks, mom, for not shooting me up with crap

4thwavenow:

https://www.facebook.com/markangelo.cummings
https://www.facebook.com/lynna.lopez98

Mark Angelo Cummings and Lynna Arielle Lopez have thrown down the gauntlet and are hosting battles on their Facebook pages. Formerly trans activists, they are now both fiercely campaigning against the current wave of childhood transitioning. Comments are running in both directions. Here is one from Mark’s GenderTrender link/post today that should interest my followers:

My daughter between ages 2-11 was a massive tom boy.  She wore flannels, blue jogging pants insisted her hair be cut short, told people her name was Bobby, loved playing with “boy” toys, hated dresses, cried when I tried to do her hair, refused any “girly” clothing, etc.  

If I would have “trusted” in her instinct, I can’t imagine the horrors she would be facing now.  Because upon entering fifth grade, my daughter suddenly wanted skirts, started playing with barbies, and turned into a more “feminine girl” than myself over a few week period out of no where.  

She wavered back and forth until age 14, played with her identity and her orientation, but now, she’s SOLIDLY enjoying being a woman, is engaged, and is “feminine” in the likes that can actually irritate me LOL

We were talking just the other day about this whole trans issue because of my recent interview.  The FIRST thing she said was:  “I am so lucky you weren’t like those parents and didn’t drag me to the doctor to shoot me up with crap. The trans community talks about high rates of suicide, that’s gonna get bigger, because I would seriously kill myself if I had to be stuck in a dude body because at 8 I wanted to be a boy and you took it seriously…

4thwavenow Mark Angelo Cummings Lynna Arielle Lopez trans teens trans kids gnc kids gnc teens trans parenting gender critical parenting leave the kids alone!

Anonymous asked:

if your kid turned out to be trans what would u do

bitter-badfem-harpy answered:

Well, seeing as she’s growing up with the understanding that gender doesn’t exist and her biological reality isn’t a feeling in some middle-aged man’s head, I don’t see that happening.

If she still suffers from sex dysphoria, then she will receive the mental health care she needs, and her parents will not enable her delusions.

gothicpoptart:

problematic-url:

“Gender doesn’t exist” oh my god

Well, yeah. Gender is a social construct. Unless you think a minutes-old baby boy knows he wants to punch things and crush beer cans on his forehead?

Lol or do you think fetuses hear the ultrasound technician say “it’s a girl!” and they start hopping around in utero saying “actually I identify as a transracial quadrigender sapiosexual teapotkin and you’re being transphobic”?

Or do you maybe think that a tiny baby who hasn’t yet figured out that you don’t stop existing when they close their eyes probably has no fucking clue what “gender identity” is and learns everything about who and what they are by watching the world around them?

And I would add: They also learn by what they are told, and if all the adults around them are saying that, indeed, their bodies are “wrong” and “don’t match” what’s in their heads, that will influence the child’s decision to medically transition later. Trans activists always say that puberty blockers, preferred prounons, and all the rest are “harmless” because only TRULY trans kids will choose transition after childhood, but this completely ignores how much kids are molded by their childhood experiences.

neuroplasticity transgender trans kids trans children gnc kids gender critical parenting trans parenting
Our daughter in college just announced her/hir intent to start taking Testosterone. What should we do? gendertrender.wordpress.com

This is an active thread on WordPress started by a parent of a 21-year-old who wants to start testosterone. So much good advice and commentary here from several posters. One small sample:

“But mom was too devastated to be anything but perfectly honest. My choice broke her heart and she didn’t try to manipulate or bargain with me, she was just openly sad. Ashen faced, red eyes, trying not to speak so she wouldn’t cry. And she said that she just deeply felt that something was very wrong about all this, and that she wasn’t going to be able to get used to it.

Then I guess she just waited, tolerating the idiocy I was going through.

When I realized I had made a mistake, I knew I could talk to her, because she never “drank the kool aid” but she also hadn’t been aggressive or mean about it. At that point, when I expressed my doubts, she let it all out. She told me how and why she thought it was wrong, what her concerns were, and how it was never too late to turn around. Other people had told me that once I started, I couldn’t go back, because “this is who you are.”

But mom remembered who I REALLY was, and was there to help me remember.”

gender critical parenting trans parenting
generibus

Anonymous asked:

Maybe you should accept your child and not force them to be female

4thwavenow answered:

Has anybody ever heard of a teenager who can be “forced” to do anything? Discussing and even challenging does not equal “forcing.”

generibus:

Also, being female is permanent. Human beings can’t change sex. 

Right. They can’t. Of course, daring to point out a simple biological fact like sexual dimorphism can start a wave of viral outrage on Tumblr and a chorus of cyber voices screaming “child abuser!!!!”

But to the questioner’s point, if my child wants to “identify” as male, I can’t force her not to. A teenager’s mind is their own, as is their choice to dress, cut their hair, and present themselves physically to the world as they choose.

It’s ironic to me that the people accusing me of “forcing” a teenager to do anything want to force me to cave under the pressure of the Thought Police Squad. Because talking about chromosomes to a 16-year-old–or on an Internet blog, evidently–is tantamount to beating a helpless child into submission. Or as one commenter on this post put it, a parent challenging a teen to consider a different viewpoint is equivalent to a prison guard oppressing an inmate.

generibus gnc teens gender critical parenting trans parenting gender nonconforming teens trans teens Thought police
skeletrender

pizzaback-deactivated20201011 asked:

What would you do if one of your children were trans? kick them out of your home? send them to conversion therapy? deny their identity until they hate themselves for it? I'm always curious to know how radfem mothers would handle an actual trans person entering their lives.

slaybia-majora-deactivated20160 answered:

My children wouldn’t feel the need to “identify” as anything other than themselves because they understand that how they look and what they wear doesn’t change anything. They are smart enough to know that sex can’t be changed and that nothing is “feminine” or “masculine”.  

skeletrender:

slaybia-majora:

4thwavenow:

dbrvnk:

I can totally see what you are saying with this. At the same time though… it does seem like you are seriously underestimating the influence of the outside world on children. 

(cut for length)

You raise some interesting points here. There is such a delicate balance with teenagers, who tend to discount their parents’ advice and opinions about just about everything. And at this stage of life, it’s easy to want to act NOW, future consequences be damned.

(cut for length)

Pretty much what 4thwavenow said.

People seem to think that if one of my children came to me and told me they would rather be a different gender than I would suddenly hate them and throw them out onto the street, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. If I were ever faced with that, they would need me even more than ever and abandoning one of my children is never an option to me.

The bottom line is that I would find them the help they needed to get to the root of why they felt it necessary to transition as opposed to simply and suddenly forcing them into a transition they may regret.

Okay but what you’re describing sounds dangerously close to conversion therapy.

I know a lot of people (especially since John Jolie-Pitt started becoming a big media sensation) think that parents of transgender youth are the ones with all the agency when it comes to their children’s transition. In reality, a lot of us have to *beg* our parents to let/help us transition.

I appreciate the tone of your reblog. I think what I, and maybe some other parents, are trying to do is suggest that young people explore alternatives before–or better yet, **instead of**–making the huge, permanently life-altering decisions involved in hormones and surgical treatments. And parents like me (and I am not like the religious nuts who talk about sin and hellfire), because we want to protect our kids from making decisions they may regret later, just aren’t down with financing and supporting these invasive medical interventions. 

With respect, I totally get that you and some others have felt thwarted by parents when you really, really feel medical transition is the right thing for you. But what alarms me is that the trend in society is toward speeding up transition, dismissing any doubts, even when those doubts are based on legitimate concerns about the permanent effects of hormones and surgeries. There is really no going back from many of the effects, especially for girls who transition. If you’ve spent any time at all reading the writing of women who have detransitioned,  they now have to struggle for the rest of their lives with the changes wrought by “T” to their vocal folds, their reproductive organs, their hair follicles, and (in some cases) their brains (many talk about being much angrier than they were before). Yes, I know it all seems like the right thing now. Maybe it will STILL feel right to you when you’re 40, 60, 80. But you don’t know now. You CAN’T know. 

Why not just be “gender nonconforming” without tampering with your body until the frontal lobes of your brain are fully developed? Look it up: That doesn’t happen until the mid-20s. Why does that even matter? Because that part of the brain is in charge of things like awareness of future consequences; impulse control; perspective; judgment. 

Do whatever you want short of medical intervention, then see how you feel in a few years.  And you know, making big medical decisions is an ADULT thing. You can be angry at your parents for not agreeing with, and not paying for, a decision you want to make;  but it seems fair to me to ask a child to reach the age of medical majority, then work a job, or do whatever else it takes, to pay for and cope like an adult with all the expenses and difficulties of transition, if that’s what they really want at age 18+. 

It’s hard, because a lot of therapists, and the media, are telling you that transition is the way. Why don’t those adults sway your parents? Well, I don’t know how many of you have parents who have bothered to look more deeply into this, but the long-term effects of medical transition have not been studied  and there are some worrying indicators. (My blog is full of those indicators.)

And this is the part where (if you’re under 30 especially) you will probably stop listening: Trust me when I tell you that I was 100% certain about a lot of things between ages 15-25 that I have totally done a 180 on as an adult. For what it’s worth.

You guys forget that parents were adolescents once. Yeah, I know. I sound like your mom. It’s easy to make parents the enemy for not granting you exactly what you want, when you want it. It’s much harder to realize most of us are asking you to slow down because we actually do love you.

skeletrender trans parenting gender critical parenting I know I know I sound like your mother GNC teens gender nonconforming teens FTM alternatives to transition

pizzaback-deactivated20201011 asked:

What would you do if one of your children were trans? kick them out of your home? send them to conversion therapy? deny their identity until they hate themselves for it? I'm always curious to know how radfem mothers would handle an actual trans person entering their lives.

slaybia-majora-deactivated20160 answered:

My children wouldn’t feel the need to “identify” as anything other than themselves because they understand that how they look and what they wear doesn’t change anything. They are smart enough to know that sex can’t be changed and that nothing is “feminine” or “masculine”.  

dbrvnk:

I can totally see what you are saying with this. At the same time though… it does seem like you are seriously underestimating the influence of the outside world on children. Kids can and do develop certain identities/disorders regardless of how their parents raise them—whether that’s an eating disorder or a gender identity disorder—and it really doesn’t help much to tell a child with an obsessive hatred of/dissociation from their own body that that body is perfect the way it is, any more than it would help an anorexic.

What I’m saying is… accept that we live in a society that hates gender nonconformance, a society where kids become trans. Your parenting can try to prevent that, but you’ve got no guarantee of succeeding. Certainly go after adults and authority figures who try to pressure kids into transitioning (doctors etc) but like… if a child wants to transition and is feeling suicidal or wants to hurt themselves because of it, it really does not help to say ‘oh just do feminine/masculine things, don’t mutilate your beautiful body!’, that’s like telling a person with depression ‘but you have it so good! look at all the wonderful things you have!’. It makes matters worse and entrenches the need to transition even more firmly in the kid.

I’m not a parent so I can’t offer any actual advice, but I think it’s important for gender-critical parents to move away from the idea that ‘in an ideal world, no one would ever have to transition!’. First of all that’s not necessarily true, second of all, we don’t live in that world. Support people with sex/gender dysphoria, support people who transition, support people who detransition (this is important! detransitioning is not a horrible fate of doom)—reserve your criticism and negativity for the industries that create them, the ‘allies’ pushing dubious theory, and ofc the late transitioning rich white male fetishists who are even making this a whole thing in the first place

I mean I don’t intend any offense or anything and I have no idea what your situation is irl, maybe this isn’t even relevant to you lol. But it is one place I think there’s kind of a ‘generation gap’ of understanding and maybe that’s why this post is causing so many arguments? I don’t even know I can delete this if it’s stupid

You raise some interesting points here. There is such a delicate balance with teenagers, who tend to discount their parents’ advice and opinions about just about everything. And at this stage of life, it’s easy to want to act NOW, future consequences be damned.

It’s hard to “support” transition itself if you really feel (as I do) that it would be harmful. What I can do is understand why a person would want to transition, and point to alternatives. I just wish “gender” therapists and trans activists showed more interest in those alternatives.

And yeah: the people driving this runaway train are “the ‘allies’ pushing dubious theory, and ofc the late transitioning rich white male fetishists who are even making this a whole thing in the first place.”

gender critical parenting trans parenting pressure to transition trans pressure gnc kids gnc teens trans kids trans teens
"Few resources for parents raising gender nonconforming kids"--ya think? cctv-america.com

While this is an encouraging piece in a daily sea of  “My child is transgender!!” media portrayals, a couple of things jump out: 

 8-year-old CJ Duran plays with dolls, wears skirts, and adores the color pink. While CJ loves playing with girly toys and wearing heeled sandals…he identifies himself as gender non-conformist, meaning that he still prefers masculine pronouns and is not transgender, but simply prefers the societally-defined “feminine” things in life.

It’s great that at least one 8 year old who plays with the wrong toys isn’t being called trans, but notice the wording–it’s all about how he, age 8, identifies himself. Did he really say he is gender non-conformist, not transgender? If so, where did he even get this language? And, just wondering:  given that he is smack-dab in the middle of the childhood period when make-believe play and fantasy are prominent, would it also have been newsworthy if he “identified himself” as a puppy, a ballet dancer, or a turtle?

When CJ first decided that he preferred “girly stuff” over “boy stuff”, his mother, Lori, went online to do some research. When she realized that there were very few resources for parents who were learning to raise gender-nonconforming children, she was inspired to start her own blog, Raising my Rainbow.

Kudos to Lori for bucking the trend, because what is unspoken (but glaringly obvious) here is that there are PLENTY of resources for parents raising transgender kids! And in looking at her Twitter feed and blog, she herself appears to accept the notion that lots of kids are, in fact, transgender, and not just gender nonconforming. Still, she celebrates her son who enjoys colorful wigs, jewelry,  and skirts.

I keep asking myself how we got here; that after the gains of feminism in the mid-late 20th century, parents and kids even have to use a term like “gender nonconforming” just to justify a little person being themselves.

The question is begged: What is the “differential diagnosis” between a gender nonconforming child vs. a transgender child? Answer, I guess, is in the first paragraph: whatever the (in this case, 8-year-old) child says s/he is–s/he is. This is a perfect example of the logical fallacy in the transgender trend sweeping the world: despite years of research showing that 75-95% of gender dysphoric kids grow out of it, if this 8-year-old had said, “I’m transgender,” this would have been a very different article…and Lori would be writing a very different blog.

Shout out to two great subReddits where I find many of these links. This article is a rare jewel in the daily onslaught of “transition is the answer” news stories being published around the world (which these two curators collect).

http://www.reddit.com/r/GenderCritical/

http://www.reddit.com/r/Gender_Critical/

why must we reinvent the wheel gender nonconforming children gnc kids trans kids trans parenting gender critical parenting
"Just tell her to shut the fuck up" transgenderreality.com
One of the ways in which cultlike behavior is especially striking in the online trans community is the way they encourage people to cut off contact with friends and family that do not agree with 10…

See, this is why I’m doing this blog: I’m not going to shut the fuck up, and I want other parents like me to know they’re not alone. I’m not abandoning my critical thinking, nor my basic sense of protection for my child, just because the Tumblr and subReddit gender police tell parents like me we’re “abusers” just for raising concerns and having conversations with our kids! Since when did parenting become nothing but a great big rubber stamp on everything a kid wants?

Some excerpts below from this important post from the always-enlightening transgenderreality. It shows imperfect (of course!) but concerned parents trying to engage with their kids about monumental life decisions. 

**************************

The first time I ever tried to openly and honestly talk to my mother about dysphoria, she told me: All women feel that way. No woman ever wants to be a woman. But we are, and we can’t escape it

And that messed me up way more than any insult ever could because it made me truly and genuinely question if I was doing this for the right reasons or if she was right and transition was just an escape.

I still don’t have an answer.

I cope by reminding myself that my mother is a poisonous influence on my life,  and that any doubt or fear I feel about transition after talking to her are as natural as feeling nauseated after drinking spoiled milk.“

********

“A young FtM who wants to have her breasts removed posts screenshots of text messages from her mother. The mother is asking her to reconsider such drastic changes to her body. These text messages are labeled “cruel”, “hateful”, “bullying”, and “toxic”.

“the poster’s father is concerned about his son’s motivation for starting hormone therapy. A commenter jumps right in, advising him to bring up suicide as a bargaining chip for unquestioning acceptance. Note that the poster’s father was not cutting him off, not throwing him out, he was even driving him to his doctor’s appointments!

                                              *******

Read the whole thing. It’s full of screenshots from Tumblr and Reddit exposing just what’s happening to questioning youth on the Internet.  The tip of a huge iceberg is starting to emerge.

Most of my Tumblr followers are young women. Few of them have kids of their own, and they may even be having struggles with their own parents (who doesn’t?)–but they get this. But as we all know, the Internet is mostly made up of lurkers: lots of readers, very few writers/posters.

I’m shouting out to all you lurkers: Look at this information. Spread it as far and widely as you can.

gender critical parenting trans parenting teen transition transgender cult behavior gnc kids gnc children gender nonconforming children transition pressure
Uncertainty Surrounds Medical Treatments For Transgender Youth commonhealth.wbur.org

Breast binders are a common early step for females transitioning to male, but they come with health risks.

Dr. Ralph Vetters, who treats transgender teens at the Sidney Borum Jr. Health Center in Boston, says binders make breathing more difficult, increase the risk for lung infections and, “by compressing the breasts, they can cause a sort of fibrosis. Scars may be a word for it. It hurts.”

‘Looking For Certainty Where It Doesn’t Exist’

What feels like a sudden burst of interest in transgender medical treatment leaves many parents dazed and confused. 

“I don’t know if I’m just being the ignorant mother who’s saying, ‘Dammit, not my kid,’ ” Jackie says, slapping her leg. “I’m delighted for Nate to be a boy if we’re sure. But I’m totally torn about it.”

Jackie wants evidence, some research that will tell her what Nate’s life and health might look like in 20 years.

“So much has changed in my life since I was a teenager,” says Nate’s dad, Tom. “I never wanted to have kids. I didn’t even think I wanted to get married.”

So how, Tom wonders, can Nate be sure he won’t regret beginning testosterone as a teenager? 

Within months of starting weekly shots or a daily cream, Nate’s vocal cords would get longer and thicker, giving him a deeper voice. He would see new facial and body hair, all permanent changes. And the increased testosterone in Nate’s body might make him infertile.

“Even if you stop taking it, there are things that don’t change,” Tom says, throwing up his hands. “I also don’t think they know everything they think they know about hormones and how they affect bodies — and will these kids all develop cancer?”

There is no indication that long-term hormone use increases the risk of cancer for transgender men or women, but there’s very little rigorous research. However, transgender men and women do face an increased risk of heart disease, Vetters says.

…there is a noticeable increase in teenage girls who say they want to become boys. He isn’t sure why, but says there is some indication that these girls “develop the perception that being a lesbian is heavily stigmatized. They realize that if they present in the male gender role and have a girlfriend they are left alone more and it’s safer.” This is just a theory. But it’s one I heard several times while reporting this story.

***************************************************************

The MDs quoted in this surprisingly skeptical piece (about a year old) from WBUR Boston–docs who have been in the trenches with kids and teens who have gender dysphoria–have taken LOTS of heat recently;  Zucker and Drescher in particular have been demonized by transactivists.  And I wonder how much hate Nate’s parents have absorbed.

gender critical parenting trans parenting GNC kids trans kids trans teens FTM testosterone effects